User:I Am Jebus/A Detailed Analysis of Any Commonplace Motif or Theme Results in Idiocy and Incredulity

Why the awesome name? Because I can.

If you analyze any topic scientifically, from the right angle it will sound ridiculous.

You will also notice certain periods of foul language, which stand out in these passages. These have been done on purpose, so stop fucking asking questions and read the fucking words.

Pokemon
A group of humans go out into a world where animals with certain mutation defects can be trained within a matter of seconds to fight and defeat other similar animals.

Apparently, the Pokemon have become surprisingly resilient to natural circumstances, such as fire, ice, and falling rocks. Certain pokemon also have the ability to do things like spout flame, telekinetically manipulate and harm others, trigger a rock slide at will, or attack and defeat a large steel snake-like creature with their bare hands/paws/appendages.

These creatures can be contained in spherical cells, which apparently condense the monster into energy and transfers it into its holdings.

This raises some questions.
 * 1) Obviously these creatures are intelligent enough to understand human speech and commands, and can communicate with each other. Why aren't they smart enough to rebel against us and create an empire?
 * 2) The morals of the pokemon are judged by the morals of the controller. Does this imply an instant telepathic link the moment a pokemon enters a pokeball?
 * 3) If humans have found a way to convert matter into energy, why the fuck do they insist on riding on the backs of their pokemon? To form an emotional link? Nobody nowadays takes their dog to work strictly and solely for "bonding".
 * 4) How are some "attacks" more effective than others? Getting hit by lightning to me would be no less painful than being engulfed in a huge ring of fire.
 * 5) Pokemon do not get hit according to size. A huge-ass Rhydon would completely beat the crap out of a caterpie, yet the combat system isn't based like that.
 * 6) As to the issue of pokeballs, it creates two issues. First, when the pokemon is put inside the ball, and second, when the pokemon comes out.
 * 7) When a pokemon goes into a pokeball, it condenses matter down instantaneously. This in theory should cause a vacuum and a large explosion.
 * 8) When a pokemon comes out, it instantly displaces an amount of air proportional to its size. This should cause a large explosion as well, or at least a sonic boom.
 * 9) Also, Pokemon seem to be moderately intelligent. Yet why the hell do they repeat their own names? Our house pets don't say "cat cat cat". So wtf?
 * 10) It should also be simple to channel the abilities of pokemon like, say, Pikachu, who can conjure thunder out of thin air. This would easily solve the power crisis. People argue that this is because it is immoral, but is it moral to consume animals like cows and pigs for food?

Human Reproduction
Let's look at this from an alien's perspective. We have two creatures, blatently different in appearance. One is more rounded towards the midsection, the other contains an appendage towards the lower part of the body.

The male is required to insert the very organ through which he urinates into a likewise section of the woman's body. They then must make motions until the male, and only the male, reaches a point of satisfaction in which seminal fluid is released. This is not only a messy process, but one generally considered an uncomfortable topic in mixed company.

It also requires the act of becoming naked and requiring unnecessary closeness. Sex has also become so widespread (heh, bad pun) that people post taboo variations of it on places like the Internet and magazines.

Insemination can only take place during certain time periods, when the woman ovulates. This seems to be too much trouble, rather than letting the woman choose when to release eggs.

Which brings up another topic, childbirth. The baby must grow inside the woman, causing her much trouble and deformation, and the baby itself must eat part of what the woman consumes.

Again, some questions are raised.
 * 1) The process can take very long at times, can be incredibly unreliable, and takes much trouble. A better method which could be more sanitary should have been devised by whoever the hell created this shithole.
 * 2) Why don't women lay eggs or provide a different way to give birth? The majority of all species on earth, including fish and insects, lay eggs instead of giving a live birth. Eggs are a better way, and with the current level of technology we have, it would put less of a strain on the woman and a safer, easier method of childbirth.
 * 3) Why is there such a gender-based bias of the method that we obtain children? The man is the only one that has to be pleased or satisfied, and the woman ends up doing all the work. Sorry saz :3

tl;dr
--Golden Star 19:25, 11 January 2009 (EST)
 * ^ 19:37, 11 January 2009 (EST)