User:Bob fregman/Why Democrats Suck

YOU MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF '

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 * You feel Fidelity means not cheating on your mistress.
 * You think that pornography corrupts women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.
 * You cry every May 4th over the four people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.
 * Along the same lines, "Four Dead in OHIO" by Neil Young gives you goosebumps, but "19" by Paul Hardcastle means nothing to you.
 * You say shows like "Leave It to Beaver" are out of touch with America today, while you flip to your soap opera.
 * You know of the stockpile of biological weapons in Iraq, but think that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty.
 * You want to know why we don't offer schooling in prisons (hey, isn't that what public schools are for).
 * You think those stupid ribbons actually accomplish something.
 * You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone referring to a black man as a "colored person."
 * You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
 * You feel that banning smoking in public indoor places limits your constitutional rights.
 * You feel that being convicted of treason is an infringement on your first amendment rights.
 * You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve social security disability benefits.
 * You outwardly said "I would have voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing darn well you wouldn't have because she is a Republican.
 * You think it is ok for a President to commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe wrong.
 * You stood on a soapbox demanding that Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug.
 * You think the guy who drops out of High School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10 years and saves your kids life.
 * You sang along to "Give Peace a Chance" during the Gulf War.
 * You've filed for unemployment within two weeks of getting out of high school.
 * You went to Woodstock II and felt that it was a significant historical event, changing the way our country thinks.
 * You own something that says, "Dukakis for President," and still display it.
 * You've tried to argue in favor of anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."
 * You've ever said, "We really should call the ACLU about this."
 * You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
 * You ever based an argument on the phrase, "But they can afford a tax hike because..."
 * You've ever argued that with just one more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
 * You think Lennon was a brilliant social commentator.
 * You keep count of how many people you know in each racial or ethnic category.
 * You believe our government must do it because everyone in Europe does.
 * After looking at your pay stub you can still say, "America is undertaxed."
 * Question: How do liberals brain cells die?
 * Answer: Lonely.
 * Question: Why can’t liberals find facts?
 * Answer: They aren’t looking for any.
 * Question: If you were in a room with Hitler, Mussolini and Carville and you only had two bullets what should you do?
 * Answer: Shoot Carville twice.
 * Question: If Hillary, Bill and all the liberals are on a sinking ship, who gets saved?
 * Answer: We do.
 * Question: What is the difference between Liberalism and Communism?
 * Answer: The Communists admit it.
 * Question: Why do flies fly over Liberals heads?
 * Answer: They have crap for brains.
 * Question: Why did God make Liberals smarter than rats?
 * Answer: He didn’t.
 * Question: Why is it so hard for Liberals to make eye contact?
 * Answer: Clinton’s rear doesn’t have eyes.
 * Question: What’s the difference between an Iraq terrorist and a liberal?
 * Answer: The Iraq terrorist makes fewer demands.
 * Question: Did you hear about the new liberal agenda.
 * Answer: They got two hands in your front pocket and two in you back pockets.
 * Question: How is being at a Democrat convention different from being at the circus?
 * Answer: At the circus the clowns don’t beg and whine at you.
 * 1. You're not a big fan of those "constitutional rights" everyone's talking about.
 * 2. You can't get rid of excess money fast enough by burning it.
 * 3. You feel that flying planes into buildings is a valid expression of disapproval.
 * 4. You are a terrorist or are in any way affiliated with a terrorist group.
 * 5. Flag Burning is you preferred recreational activety.
 * 6. Your preffered way of dealing with problems is to first acknowledge the problems existence, and then find someone else to blame for it.
 * 7. You believe that only criminals should have guns.
 * 8. The idea of babies being killed on a whim seems perfectly acceptable to you.
 * 9. You find owning your own property to be a hassle.
 * 10. Your head has not been removed from your rectum in at least 6 monthes

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