User:Guild of Deals/Joke Room

The Joke Page
This is the Joke Page! Here it contains a list of jokes. So far, the jokes are listed into 5 catergories. Here are our categories:


 * 1. Dead Baby Jokes
 * 2. Chuck Norris Jokes
 * 3. Helen Keller Jokes
 * 4. Yo Momma Jokes
 * 5. Lol Worthy Mentions

Guidelines
For punchline jokes:
 * Joke
 * Punchline

For "Yo Momma" jokes:
 * "Yo Momma so (insert joke here)"

Contributors
So far, people who have made a contribution to the Joke Room


 * Guild of Deals
 * Victoryisyours
 * Wyvern
 * Dannyb44
 * Dark Morphon
 * BaineTheBotter
 * Armond Warblade
 * Godliest
 * Snow White Tan
 * Seb2net
 * Dejh
 * Griffin
 * I Am Jebus
 * Goldenstar
 * Ressmonkey
 * Invincible Rogue

Dead Baby Jokes
With help from Wyvern, Snow White Tan, Griffin, Ressmonkey, I Am Jebus, and effin.
 * How do you stop a baby from drowning?
 * Take your foot off it's head


 * What's blue and squirms in the corner?
 * A baby playing with a plastic bag


 * What's green and sits in the corner?
 * Same baby, 3 weeks later


 * What's better than 9 dead babies staple gunned to a tree?
 * One baby staple gunned to 9 trees


 * What's better than a 10 babies in a trash can?
 * 1 baby in 10 trash cans


 * What's red and bangs on the door?
 * A baby in a microwave


 * What's better than a dead baby?
 * A pile of dead babies


 * What's better than a pile of dead babies?
 * Nothing


 * How did the dead baby cross the road?
 * Staple gunned to the chicken.


 * What's the difference between a Corvette, and a garage full of dead babies?
 * I don't have a Corvette


 * What do babies and bananas have in common?
 * They both work well in a blender


 * What's more fun than swinging a baby on a clothes line?
 * Stopping it with a spade.


 * How do you stop a baby crawling around the room?
 * Nail it's foot to the floor.


 * How do you stop a baby walking in circles?
 * Nail the other foot to the floor.


 * What's red, white, and screams blood murder?
 * A skinless baby in a bag of salt.


 * What goes "Pop pop sizzle sizzle WAAAH!"?
 * Two babies in an acid bath.


 * You're fishing and a baby falls in the water. How do you get it out?
 * With a harpoon.


 * What purpose do babies serve in the military?
 * Ammo.


 * How do you stop a baby form falling into a well?
 * Throw a javelin through its neck.


 * What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
 * One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The others a watermelon.


 * What's the difference between a clown and a dead baby?
 * You don't laugh at clowns.


 * How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
 * Depends on how hard you throw them.


 * What the difference bewtween and trampoline and a dead baby?
 * you take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.


 * What do you call a pig, a rat, a human thumb and a dead baby in a blender?
 * Big mac.

Chuck Norris Jokes
With help from Godliest, Dejh, and Goldenstar
 * How do you survive an atomic bomb?
 * Stop, drop, and become Chuck Norris


 * Chuck Norris doesn't push himself up
 * He pushes the world down


 * Whenever Chuck Norris snaps his fingers
 * A women is inpregenated


 * How much wood could Chuck Norris chuck?
 * He doesn't chuck wood, he roundhouse kicks it


 * Satan didn't fall from heaven
 * Chuck Norris got pissed at him.


 * Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer
 * Too bad he doesn't cry


 * Chuck Norris doesn't get disease
 * Disease gets Chuck Norris


 * Chuck Norris proved there is no life in space
 * There was before his space journey.


 * Chuck Norris needs to stop washing his clothes in the sea
 * The tsunamis are killing people!


 * Someone ones told Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks isn't the best kick
 * That is recorded as the worst mistake in history.


 * Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force
 * The light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.


 * If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies
 * Just check the extinct species list.


 * Chuck Norris can touch
 * MC Hammer


 * Mike Huckabee's bumper stickers don't need glue.
 * They stay on the bumpers because Chuck told them to.


 * Chuck Norris walked down the street with an erection.
 * There were no survivors


 * Chuck Norris drinks napalm
 * To quell his heartburn


 * Mr. T and Chuck Norris walked into a bar
 * The bar was instantly incinerated because nothing could withstand that much awesomeness


 * Mr. T once beat Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe
 * In return, Chuck Norris invented racism


 * Chuck Norris once got a 0 on every hole of golf.
 * When the man said "You cannot get a zero on every hole", Chuck replied "I'm Chuck Norris."
 * The man started pouring gasoline on himself and set himself on fire, as he knew it would be less painful than a roundhouse kick
 * Chuck roundhouse kicked him anyway.


 * A man once told Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicking wasn't the most effective way of killing.
 * That was the worst mistake ever made.


 * Chuck Norris cannot see his reflection in the mirror
 * because nothing would be stupid enough to get between 2 Chuck Norris's


 * The U.S. army contemplated on whether to drop A-Bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki or whether to let Chuck Norris roundhouse kick them.
 * They decided to use A-Bombs because it was the more humane choice.


 * When Chuck Norris asked for an Egg McMuffin at at McDonald's and didn't get one because it was 10:35
 * he roundhouse kicked the McDonald's and made it into a KFC.


 * When his martial arts prowless fails, Chuck Norris plays dead.
 * When playing dead fails, he plays zombie.


 * Who would win if Superman and the Flash raced to the end of the galaxy?
 * Chuck Norris.


 * The Boogie Man checks his closet every night
 * For Chuck Norris


 * When Chuck Norris had to do taxes, he only sent in blank forms and a picture of himself, waiting to pounce.
 * Chuck Norris has never had to pay taxes.


 * The United States
 * Is a Chucktatorship.


 * There is no chin under Chuck Norris's beard
 * Only another fist.


 * Superman wears
 * Chuck Norris pajamas


 * If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5
 * Chuck Norris has more money than you.


 * Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones
 * With one bird


 * Chuck Norris's pokerface won him the World Series of Poker
 * Despite only have a 2 of clubs, an ace, a 3 of hearts, a green 2 Uno card, and a Monopoly "Get Out of Jail Free" card


 * When most people jump into a lake, they got wet. When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake
 * the lake gets Chuck Norris'd.


 * Chuck Norris took a vacation in the Virgin Islands.
 * From that point on, it was just called "The Islands".


 * Chuck Norris
 * Is the reason why Waldo is hiding.


 * Chuck Norris
 * Can slam a revolving door.


 * Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour.
 * He spent the first 59 minutes having sex with his waitress.


 * In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine.
 * Chuck Norris turned the wine into beer.


 * Chuck Norris
 * Can believe it's not butter.


 * It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes
 * To watch 60 Minutes.


 * Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun
 * And won.


 * If at first you don't succeed,
 * You're not Chuck Norris.


 * Chuck Norris is the only person to ever win a staring contest
 * Against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.


 * Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky.
 * Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."


 * Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day.
 * Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.


 * Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy.
 * There were no survivors.


 * Chuck Norris sleeps
 * With a pillow under his gun.


 * When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie
 * It is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.


 * Chuck Norris crossed the road.
 * No one has ever dared question his motives.


 * Mr. T pities the fool.
 * Chuck Norris rips the fool's head off.


 * Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am."
 * What most people don't know is that that quote continues, "...afraid of Chuck Norris."


 * Chuck Norris is like a dog. He can smell fear.
 * And he can piss on whatever he wants.

Helen Keller Jokes
With help from Ressmonkey


 * What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
 * She screamed her hands off


 * What's Helen Keller's favorite color?
 * Corrodoroy


 * Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
 * You would too if your name was "Ahhhheeeehhhhhhh!"


 * How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
 * They rearranged the furniture and left the plunger in the toilet


 * Why could Helen Keller only drive with one hand?
 * She was talking with the other


 * Did you know Helen Keller had a playground?
 * Neither did she.


 * Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
 * Because she was a woman.

Yo Momma Jokes
Courtesy of Victoryisyours, Dannyb44, Dark Morphon, BaineTheBotter, Armond Warblade, Snow White Tan, Dejh, and I Am Jebus


 * "Yo Momma so fat when she was in school she sat next to everybody."


 * "Yo Momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl"


 * "Yo Momma so poor she uses coupons at the 99 cent store"


 * "Yo Momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!"


 * "Yo Momma so fat shes on both sides of the family.""


 * "Yo Momma so ugly, when she stuck her head out the window, the police arrested her for public mooning!"


 * "Yo Momma so stupid, when her husband said, "Hunny, its chilly outside" she went outside witha bowl and a spoon."


 * "Yo Momma so fat she got baptised at sea world."


 * "Yo Momma so fat when she wears a yellow coat people run after her shouting "Taxi!"."


 * "Yo Momma so fat she irons her pants on a driveway!."


 * "Yo Momma has more AIDs than Africa!."


 * "Yo Momma so fat she can combine /jump with Aftershock."


 * "Yo Momma's so fat, the opposing base defender casts "base defense" on her when she goes into an AB."
 * "At least she's not like yo momma. Her own base defender casts on her!"


 * "Yo Momma's so fat, when she walks in front of the T.V, the entire season of "lost" is over!"


 * "Yo Momma's so fat, you can't kite her PbAoE spells."


 * "Yo Momma's so fat, Victory or Death can't work."


 * "Yo Momma's so fat, she uses your bike helmet for her athletic cup. Yo Momma's got big balls, man!"


 * "Yo momma's so fat, last time she wore heels, she struck oil."


 * "Yo momma's so fat, they call her belt Equator."


 * "Yo momma's so fat, her blood type is Hot Chocolate."


 * "Yo momma's so stupid, she can't run IWAY"


 * "Yo momma's so old, I saw her momma in the museum exhibits!"


 * "Yo momma's so fat, she has her own gravitational pull."


 * "Yo momma's so fat, if you cut her, gravy comes out."


 * "Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to the beach, she's the only one to get a tan."


 * "Yo momma's so fat, when she goes to the beach, Greenpeace comes and pushes her in the water."


 * "Yo momma's like Home Depot: You can do her. We can help."


 * "Yo momma's like a hardware store: 10 cents a screw."
 * "Yo momma's like Geico: So easy a caveman can do her."


 * "Yo momma's so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said "To Be Continued"."


 * "Yo momma's so old the milk in her breasts has expired."


 * "Yo momma's so old that her Social Security number is 1."
 * "Yo momma's so fat that she got the Legendary Grandmaster Cartographer title in half a second."


 * "Yo momma's so fat that when God said "Let there be light!" he told her to MOVE!"
 * "Yo momma's so fat she eats Wheat Thicks."
 * "Yo momma's so fat she fell in love and broke it."
 * "Yo mama so fat she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops."

Racist Jokes
If you are offended by racism or bigotism of any sort, do not read this, go to your room, and stop being a pussy.

Courtesy of I Am Jebus


 * There was an Italian, an American, a Mexican, and a Chinese person on a plane. The pilot said that the plane was going down, you have to throw out your personal possessions. The italian threw out his pasta, the chinese threw out his rice, the mexican threw out his tacos, and the american threw out the mexican.


 * What do you do when you see a dying mexican on the floor?
 * Stop laughing and reload.


 * How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
 * Dental floss!


 * Why does Beyonce always say "to the left"?
 * Cause black people have no rights.


 * Why does every gang have a white person in it?
 * Every meal needs a cracker.


 * What do you call an Arab with his hand up a camel's ass?
 * A mechanic!


 * What's 20 feet long and wrapped around a dick?
 * A turban!


 * Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
 * It stops on a dime, then picks it up.


 * How many crackers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 * 1, white men screw anything.


 * What's white, veiny, and is 14 inches long?
 * Nothing!


 * What do you call a bunch of white people sitting on a bench?
 * The NBA.

Lol Worthy Mentions
With help from Seb2net and "special" help from Victoryisyours
 * What's black, red, and white, and has trouble going through revolving doors?
 * A nun with a spear through her head


 * A blonde walks into a bar
 * And says "Ow!"


 * How many women's rights activists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 * 2, One to screw it in and the other to cheer her on.


 * How many Americans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
 * They don't, they outsource someone to do it


 * What do you call a man who steps up and puts his hands on your privates?
 * "OMG NOOB TOUCHER!!!"


 * What did the letter "D" say to the fat letter "E"?
 * "Your a fat-e!"


 * If you invite an autistic midget to your house and he's 10 minutes late
 * Is it bad to say that he's a little tardy?

Guild Wars-Related Jokes and Humor
''Idea by I Am Jebus. Courtesy of I Am Jebus.''
 * Yo momma's so fat that she got Connoisseur of Confectionaries faster than Grandmaster Cartographer.
 * Yo momma's so fat that when her teammate said "I'm using Star Burst on Margonite Cleric!" she said "What flavor?"
 * Yo momma's so fat that in Snowball Fights, she spams "Mmm, Snowcone!".
 * Yo momma's so fat that Belly Smash does double damage to her.
 * Yo momma's so fat that Sever Artery has no effect on her whatsoever. It just bounces off.
 * Yo momma's so fat that when she gets knocked down, all players are hit by Earthquake and Aftershock.
 * Yo momma's so fat that for her, Shove is a OHKO to her enemies.
 * Yo momma's so fat that for her, Shove is a PBAoE move.
 * Yo momma's so old that the Watchful Spirit got bored.
 * Yo momma's so fat that when she uses Heal Area, it heals everything on the map.

Drunken Sex: [build prof=W/Me tactics=12+1+1 swordsmanship=10+1 dominationmagic=8][frenzy][drunken blow][cry of frustration][panic][desperation blow][to the limit!][final thrust][blackout][/build]

Trying-to-get-her-pregnant sex: [build prof=R/W beast=11+1+1 tactics=10 swordsmanship=10][fertile season][companionship][balanced stance][charge!][frenzy][to the limit!][final thrust][thrill of victory][/build]

There will be more. I Am Jebus 21:00, 27 January 2008 (EST)
 * Images of Remorse maybe? --[[image:GoD Sig3.jpg|20px]] Guild of  Deals  21:14, 27 January 2008 (EST)
 * That comes on here:

Pregnancy: [build prof=Me/any domination=12+1+1 illusion=12+1][wastrel's worry][visions of regret][frustration][shame][guilt][complicate][images of remorse][cry of pain][/build]

The Rapist: [build prof=R/W expertise=10+1+1 beast=8+1 tactics=12 swordsmanship=2][Dodge][pounce][grapple][On Your Knees!][frenzy][brutal strike][final thrust][escape][/build]

Giving Birth: [build prof=Rt/Me domination=12 channeling=10+1+1 communing=8+1 restoration=2+1][cry of pain][agony][pain][anguished was lingwah][visions of regret][accumulated pain][life][mend body and soul][/build]

Fucking Epic
The greats of the greats.


 * By Dejh: In the second last chapter, they all are forced to unite against the surprise alien invasion launched from Dracula's secret moon base, but quickly begin to lose morale once they realize that the undead half-clone Chuck Norris is fighting them as well, so they retreat to their base on Hoth to begin preparing for their elite team of ninjas to attack the space pirate base, and recover the only known weapon that can defeat the undead half-clone of Chuck Norris, the Ham Sandwich of Destiny. However, in the last chapter, they realize that the pirates are chargin' their lazers, and can only be stopped by hitting them with the moon. Well, it turns out that it's no moon, it's a space station, but when all hope seemed lost, the One True Norris descends from the heavens to smite the evil, undead half-clone of himself and save the day. Then, right before the credits begin to roll, it is revealed that Rosebud is a sled, and that the Pirates are really a metaphor for the dark side of the force. I think that pretty much sums up the last 2 chapters, as far as I remember.


 * By Frvwfr2: [[image:Andrew Awesome.jpg|800px]]


 * By Tai [[Image:Sister wtf.jpg|800px]]